we put on ray charles

There was this guy I was seeing for a while during the spring of last year, Will. He treated me like dirt most of the time, but no matter how often he kicked me out of bed at 6 am, I kept coming back, to smoke cigarettes and drink beer and listen to him play Ryan Adams songs for me on the guitar. He made me want one of those rock-n-roll, all in, all out, roller coaster relationships. Obviously, he failed. (He won my own, personal, Asshole of the Year award for his behavior.)
The point of this story, though, is that this whole time in Scotland, feels like that tumultuous, up and down, makes your heart sing and your stomach sick relationship. And I'm loving it. Even when I feel completely alone, I'm grounded. I'm healthy (1 year, 5 months, 3 days), I'm making friends and getting better at writing history. I wish there was a way for me to stay.