remember how i said i drool when i cry?


still true.

who needs booze when the boys kiss like that?

healing

The healing properties of candle-lit Billy Joel dance parties in the privacy of one's bedroom are not to be discounted.
Nor are the restorative effects of an afternoon ice skating.

Here. I am here in Illinois.
Dave is not my boyfriend anymore.
My heart hurts. I'm listening to a lot of Sarah McLachlan. And I'm scared.

i'm just going to shut up now and read some emily dickinson

I died for Beauty - but was scarce
Adjusted in the Tomb
When One who died for Truth, was lain
In an adjoining Room -

He questioned softly, "Why I failed"?
"For Beauty," I replied -
"And I - for Truth - Themself are One -
We Brethren, are," He said -

And so, as Kinsmen, met a Night -
We talked between the Rooms -
Until the Moss had reached our lips -
And covered up - our names -

1862

the estimable Estlin and i

in brief

I'm in Illinois. This summer has flown by. At the beginning of July, my aunt Patricia died. All through July and the beginning of August I wandered around the foothills with my alcoholic friends, this kid from Missouri and a girl from my high school in particular, smoking Reds and trading music. I fought with my boyfriend over the phone all the time.

Then on August 10th, my parents and I packed the car and started driving. Las Vegas, Bryce Canyon, Moab, Denver, west Texas, Dallas, south-east Missouri, then here. All kinds of things in my head quieted down. Driving through the desert, through the mesas and the mountains. Staying in my great-aunt Georgia's house, where she and my mother's mother grew up. I went on a few long walks with my dad, talking over everything that's been going on.

Now I'm in the middle of the cornfields, right at the edge of town, getting ready for classes starting tomorrow - children's literature, youth services librarianship, communities and libraries, information organization, poetry, all spread through the week. My parents just left this morning; they spent the last few days helping me put together my apartment. My dad surprised me with a beautiful poster - it's that photograph of Audrey Hepburn with the Roman Holiday haircut. He said when he saw it in the store, he couldn't walk out without getting it for me. I'm adopting a cat - Estlin - who I can pick up from the shelter on Tuesday. She's a gray tabby with tufty ears and she likes ping-pong balls. When we went to the pet store to pick up food and a litter box, my mom nearly filled the basket with toys.
"From grandma," she said.

There are thunderstorms here that knock out the power. I'm hoping I find people I like in my classes, hoping that I fit into the meetings here the way I fit in at home.